In over my head

My little sister and I had decided to watch "why did I get married?" With Janet Jackson starting as the main actor, I told my sister that Mrs Jackson' strength and powerful words inspired daily. At the end of the movie my sister turned to me and whispered "you're words and strength use to inspire me daily, but you've changed". That's when I knew, I have to deal this. My new year resolution last year and this year was; For God to make me stronger than I could ever imagine. For God to completely transform my mindset and my thoughts into his own. 6 months into this year and I'm only just remembering this resolution. But now I'm reflecting on everything having this old perspective on new situations I realise God did that, he took me completely out of my comfort zone; getting kicked out of home, turning to alcohol and partying, making myself a slave to the words of men; this needed to happen in order to find new growth. I suffered and put myself through all of that because I gave up on God, I gave up on hope when in reality, all of this needed to happen for me to make me have this greater understand and strength.

For the past 3 months, I've been struggling to comprehend my purpose, my faith in God, my strength, absolutely everything. My mum kicking me out made me realised how mentally abused and easily manipulated I can be not just by her and my family but by a lot of people I called friends. My dad taking me in made me realise that no matter the difficulties we've through, my father will always have my back. He made me realise who are my true friends and the people I need to surround myself with. My interaction with boys on social media apps such as Tinder, Snapchat and Instagram made me realise that I was searching for something in the words of boys that wanted only to get in my pants. This taught me that I was willing to give up my comfort and needs for the wants of others. It taught me that a lot of others are doing the same, and it's not right. I've learnt and will continue to stand strong in this matter. You should not be sacrificing your comfort and wellbeing for the wants of another. My turning to alcohol and abusing this legal right made me realise how easy it is to relapse back into my depression that I fought hard to beat. It also made me realise that no one is truly lost, but searching for for something to cling on that can provide comfort and hope but also providing a way forget and not deal with situations. Im still lost, I'm still trying to figure everything out; but I'm trying and will keep trying until I get to place where I'm happy. I have a world to conquer as do you, and I refuse to sit back and let my situations control my life. As for my faith, I'm proud to say I'm at a place of great strength, even greater understanding and peace. I've never felt this connected with God before and I can't wait to continue growing in his time, love and knowledge. Thank you to everyone for the emails (that I am still in the processing of going through) & the messages and prayers of strength and encouragement. We're all on this journey of life together and I'm proud to stand with you all.

Always praying for you all, Peace out; G ✨