Just hold on.
Look, let's get real again. #realtalkagain We all have moments of weakness, sometimes those moments are worse than ever before. Feeling alone, betrayed, unloved, disowned, suicidal, depressed, anxious, and worried. Like it would be easier to just let go of everything? Guess you could be right, but then again, I strongly feel as though your wrong if you do think that it's easier. You deserve to be, you've been placed here for a reason.
I want to share something that only 3 people know. Earlier this year, I went to a party with a bunch of people that I know and love. I thought I was safe, I thought life was going great. That night I was taken advantage of by someone who I cared a lot about. The next couple of days, I felt betrayed, alone, I had refused to tell anyone which made me bottle up all those emotions. I pushed through my days, putting on a smile, trying to not let someone else's actions affect me completely. It didn't work.My night's became reckless and sleepless. My head filling with countless thoughts of killing myself hoping that would be a clean slate. 7 months with thoughts slowly becoming actions. But I kept holding on longer, hoping that someone would just hear my silent plead for help. Looking back it, I'm glad I kept holding on because the last person I told (who is someone I consider a great friend) made me realise that how could I get help when I wasn't actually asking for it. I went 7 months with pain in my heart, worthlessness in my head, not being able to look up because my world was down.
You think you're all alone? Like no one understands you? Maybe that's because we never really open ourselves up to hear what others are going through only to realise it's so similar to our own stories.
I don't know what you're going through, but I'm begging you, hold on. Just one more day. You'll find a way, it's time to remember your dreams, lift your eyes upon the things that have not been seen. Remember who you are, show the world the beauty that been trapped inside a cage of depression. Please hold on, push through whatever you're going through. Help is all around you, but you need to ask for it first, you make the first step. That will make the difference, because it shows you want to change, and only by your determination and honesty can you overcome anything in your way.
Today, the 22nd of October, marks a week since my last thought of suicidal thought. My last sleepless night filled with suicidal thoughts. Today I was able to go out with my best friend, Simeon, and to spend the day with him shopping, mucking around, fixing some massive computer, it's days like today that I'm grateful I held on one more day
(Simeon is a talented photographer + the most realistic dreamer you could ever meet! Check out his instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sim_aldenio/ )
Let the light hit your eyes so the world can see the stars in eyes, I think time you start painting the sky. Just hold on. All my love xo